I have been reflecting a lot these days about what it means to be a "working mom". I feel so fortunate to have a flexible schedule where I can spend a little more time with Elise than most office jobs would allow. If I still had my DMH job, where I was gone for the day from 7 am to 6 pm, I would only get to see Elise to basically wish her goodnight, weekends, and every other Friday. I'd probably get depressed and quit my job. I don't know how most working moms do it, particularly those with even longer work hours plus travel. I don't judge them because I know that they worked extremely hard to get to the positions they are in and they are responsible for shifting the professional landscape so that my own daughter can aspire to be whatever she wants to be (hello Melissa Mayer!). I just know that I am not cut out for that.
If things work out and I get this job at APU, then I will likely be on campus all day Tuesdays and Thursdays and have more flexibility the rest of the week. As I think about my role as a mom, I really want to prioritize things like being able to pick up my kids from school, process their day with them, and cook good family meals. However, if I am to do those things, then it means that I will likely be working many nights and weekends. I'm totally OK with that- I've been doing this my whole adult life as a student, after all. In the infamous Atlantic article "Why Women Still Can't Have It All", the author, also a professor, argues that in order for working women to achieve that work/life balance, they have to be able to have a flexible schedule, among other things. Working a full-time job plus being an active parent is possible although it does sound very tiring.
In an ideal world, I would be able to work part-time for about 5-7 years. I think moms who have that option, most of whom are in health care apparently, are extremely fortunate. I actually encourage young women to consider pursuing health care jobs so that they have this option. It sounds really anti-progressive to encourage girls and women to consider career opportunities that are conducive to motherhood, but I know so many moms who wished they had more professional flexibility. We're always like, "those nurses/therapists/doctors" are so lucky!
On the other hand, I don't think I could survive as a stay-at-home-mom. I'm not cut out for that, either. I am just built as a doer, a change-maker, and am constantly thinking about how to spend my time and strengths in order to build God's kingdom. And as much as I love Elise, the monotony and loneliness of staying at home is really hard on me, too. I also think she likes some change in scenery, as I know she loves spending time with her big sister, Olivia, at daycare 4 days a week.
Anyway, just some thoughts as I reflect about what my life could look like if I get this APU job. Bry is on a Mon/Wed/Fri schedule and so we talked about alternating days for doing things like school pick-up and whatnot. It is weird to think that the realization of our "destiny" could be right around the corner!
I've been thinking about role shifts a lot. I think it was hard for me because I always assumed that the end-goal of life was a career so that was my priority and was always number 1 or 2 at the top of my list, but I was forced to rethink it and it is something I needed time to absorb. The more I've been at home with him the more I think I want to work much less than the typical 5-6 days a week. My current setup is so nice I can't imagine working every day. I always thought I'd get cabin fever as a SAHM (which I basically am right now) but the days actually fill up pretty quickly and I'm able to do a healthy mix of activities while still having research obligations each day.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately for many families it's not a choice for both parents to work but something they must do to make ends meet...especially living in an area with such a high cost of living, such as Southern California. Yes, you're definitely lucky to have the flexibility. Good luck with the APU job!
ReplyDeleteOh yes, you are absolutely right. We are basically living off of one salary right now and we are just surviving...not saving. Sigh..."sun tax".
DeleteI too decided about 6 months into my first nursing job that I am not cut out to be a career woman. Even when I become a midwife, family is first, and I refuse to be on call for > 48 hours in a week if I can help it. Healthcare does have its benefits and flexibility, however, with that flexibility comes a lack of stability that I miss from my life as a student and growing up as a child of educators. Weekends, night/or at least evenings, and holidays will forever be part of my life for the career path I have chosen. Compared to a family where my parents were able to come to every sports game, every holiday, and were free for every scheduled school break, healthcare is indeed an adjustment. Sometimes Gilbert and I go 5 solid days without seeing each other awake. The one great thing about healthcare does seem to be that you can step out of it, and back into it relatively easily, and there are a variety of part-time options for child-raising years. However, for the years where I will be working full-time, holidays and weekends are often a luxury. It can even be a fight to try to attend church with any sort of regularity.
ReplyDeleteWith all of this said... healthcare has its benefits... but the grass on the healthcare pasture may not be quite as green as some might imagine.
I must agree with Andream. Healthcare has its pros and cons, especially with working weekends and holidays, and schedules shifting from week to week. Part time is an option but I've learned that it is difficult to go that route when you're just starting off. It takes the time and consistency of full time work to become proficient and then expert in your practice (if you start young this isn't a problem). Also, no one wants to hire a part time new grad who has no experience. Another thing I've realized with healthcare is that you're always "on". Sometimes I miss working in my cube where I do my own thing or space out for a few minutes.
ReplyDeleteafter reading the other comments one other thing I did think of was when I was working in Peds last year in the preschool system. I told my supervisor I wasn't sure I was cut out to do schools but she pointed out that I'd have a young child and I would get to work on a teacher schedule with better-than-teacher pay. Something to think about. In the past I probably would have tried my hardest to work with a preferred population or setting but now I think I would put other factors ahead of this, like flexible schedule or summers off so that I could have large chunks of time to spend with the baby. We'll see!
ReplyDeleteWow Margaret and Lindsay-- maybe if you're kids weren't so stinking cute, you wouldn't be so worried about wanting to stay home with them....Note to self- don't have incredibly cute children to avoid worrying about wanting to stay home with them all the time ;)
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