Working Mom

I have been reflecting a lot these days about what it means to be a "working mom".  I feel so fortunate to have a flexible schedule where I can spend a little more time with Elise than most office jobs would allow.  If I still had my DMH job, where I was gone for the day from 7 am to 6 pm, I would only get to see Elise to basically wish her goodnight, weekends, and every other Friday.  I'd probably get depressed and quit my job.  I don't know how most working moms do it, particularly those with even longer work hours plus travel.  I don't judge them because I know that they worked extremely hard to get to the positions they are in and they are responsible for shifting the professional landscape so that my own daughter can aspire to be whatever she wants to be (hello Melissa Mayer!).  I just know that I am not cut out for that.

If things work out and I get this job at APU, then I will likely be on campus all day Tuesdays and Thursdays and have more flexibility the rest of the week.  As I think about my role as a mom, I really want to prioritize things like being able to pick up my kids from school, process their day with them, and cook good family meals.  However, if I am to do those things, then it means that I will likely be working many nights and weekends.  I'm totally OK with that- I've been doing this my whole adult life as a student, after all.  In the infamous Atlantic article "Why Women Still Can't Have It All", the author, also a professor, argues that in order for working women to achieve that work/life balance, they have to be able to have a flexible schedule, among other things.  Working a full-time job plus being an active parent is possible although it does sound very tiring.

In an ideal world, I would be able to work part-time for about 5-7 years.  I think moms who have that option, most of whom are in health care apparently, are extremely fortunate.  I actually encourage young women to consider pursuing health care jobs so that they have this option.  It sounds really anti-progressive to encourage girls and women to consider career opportunities that are conducive to motherhood, but I know so many moms who wished they had more professional flexibility.  We're always like, "those nurses/therapists/doctors" are so lucky!

On the other hand, I don't think I could survive as a stay-at-home-mom.  I'm not cut out for that, either.  I am just built as a doer, a change-maker, and am constantly thinking about how to spend my time and strengths in order to build God's kingdom.  And as much as I love Elise, the monotony and loneliness of staying at home is really hard on me, too.  I also think she likes some change in scenery, as I know she loves spending time with her big sister, Olivia, at daycare 4 days a week. 

Anyway, just some thoughts as I reflect about what my life could look like if I get this APU job.  Bry is on a Mon/Wed/Fri schedule and so we talked about alternating days for doing things like school pick-up and whatnot.  It is weird to think that the realization of our "destiny" could be right around the corner!

new developments

Elise is starting to develop at what seems like breakneck speed.  In just the last few days, she has learned how to point to her ears, pull up from sitting to standing without furniture, said "ball" (or more like bah!), snuggles stuffed animals in a cute way, regularly claps for herself when she does something good, and does the "twist" while dancing.  She is also more confident in her walking abilities.  Bryant would also like for me to add that she is starting to nuzzle her head into his cheek when he holds her and it just melts his heart.  :)

Thanks for praying for me for my interview yesterday.  I think it went well and I will probably have my second interview in January.  It's a long waiting process.  Bryant and I were reflecting about his experience and he did not find out about the job until March.  I don't know if I can wait that long!  I feel like our future is hanging in the balance!

Anyway, onto some photos:

Yes, intentional matching.  Although I didn't buy them at the same time.

Her favorite part at Kidspace.

Ideal work day: grading date at a cafe

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was brought to a new level this year as we reflected on how BLESSED we are to have Elise in our lives.  I just get teary-eyed thinking about this past year and how we have already created what seems like a lifetime of memories in such a short period of time.  We celebrated Thanksgiving yesterday with both my mom's and dad's sides of the families.  Elise, of course, was just hamming it up.

Today was a great day consisting of napping, hiking, shopping, and more gluttonous eating.  I was feeling extra tired when I woke up this morning and so I managed to nap with Elise for 1.5 hours.  Can I just say that napping with my baby is one of my absolute favorite things to do in the world?  Elise usually naps for an hour max but when she naps with me, she usually sleeps between 1.5 and 2 hours.  I think I nap longer, too, when I'm cuddling with her.  :)

Bry and Elise then went on a short hike at Eaton Canyon while I was able to take care of some things, including, basically dismantling my closet in order to search for my only nice suit for my interview on Monday!  My interview for APU is at 8 AM.  Please pray for me!!!!  :)

We also decided to check out some Black Friday sales in Old Town.  We both scored some good deals at Banana (Bryant) and Madewell (me).  Madewell just opened in Pasadena and I LOVE this store!

We then walked on over to Cheesecake Factory to use some of our gift certificate money there.  Elise started to act really fussy after we sat down and then we realized that it was somehow 7 pm- her bedtime!  We totally lost track of time!  We got the food to-go, hurried home, fed her dinner of pureed carrots, peas, corn, and green beans and put her to bed.  She was acting kind of cutely delirious.  She fell asleep by 7:50- the latest she has ever gone to bed.

The definite highlight of the day, and perhaps the weekend, is that she now knows how to POINT TO HER NOSE!  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is a major development in the Mathews household!  After learning how to point to her head, I focused on teaching her where her nose is.  While she has done it maybe once or twice, she now points to her nose consistently, and with much aplomb.  You should have seen me and Bryant, we were going crazy!

Here are a few Thanksgiving pics.  We tried to take photos for her birthday invitation and it is so hard to get one photo of her looking into the camera and smiling.  I just went with an older photo with our messy house as a background for the card.  Oh well! 

Getting into trouble on Thanksgiving

I can point to my nose!!!

Finally, standing still

It's been so hard capturing good photos now because Elise is always on the move. I finally got some photos of her standing still.

a few videos

So sorry about our chronically behind videos and photos.  I'll just post the walking video here since it's an exciting development!  Thankfully, we were able to capture her first steps on video.



Here is a video from a few days ago.  I read that playing with rice is a good sensory (albeit messy) exercise for babies.  As you can see, Elise loved it!  This will probably be the only time we will let her do this particular exercise, haha.

Walking Update

On Saturday, we were at a friend's birthday party, and out of nowhere, we saw Elise walking without any encouragement from us.  She tried to walk from the couch to a blow-up toy.  She probably took about 10 steps.  She looked so cute doing it-- hands way up in the air for balance.  I don't know why, but those steps were way more emotional for me than previous ones because she was really asserting her independence and will.  Ahhh- what's happening!?!

Talking

Elise is starting to talk more.  She has been saying some version of dada or mama for awhile now and it sounds like she says it in reference to us.  We also noticed recently that when we say "up up" to pick her up, she will say "pup-pup" occasionally.  When I picked her up from her babysitter today, she and her daughter (my friend) said that Elise said "leche" two times, in reference to milk (in Spanish).  She even signed for "milk" so she knows what it means.

I'm not sure what really qualifies as a "first word".  Is it when they can say it on demand?  Because I've been trying to get her to say "leche" all night and she won't budge.

She's definitely processing language.  One day last week, when we showed her a "head and shoulders knees and toes" music video on youtube, she pointed to her head!  We were kind of freaking out!  Now she always points to her head when we say "head".  I think she's very close to knowing "nose".  She's gotten it once or twice, but most of the time, when I say "nose", she will have a deep concentrating look for 2 seconds, and then pat her head in delight.  She will also do this when I try to teach her new signs, and then she will always go back to signing for "milk". 


I've read that the best way for babies to learn how to talk is just to talk to them a lot.  This doesn't really come naturally to me so I have to be intentional about narrating her world to her.  The easiest way for me to do this is to take her to Target in the Ergo and explain all the different sights there.  She really loves it, especially going up and down the escalator.

Just took six steps!

Another perfect Saturday

I've been meaning to explore the gentrifying and artsy neighborhood of Atwater Village, which is about a 15 minute drive away.  We had breakfast at Proof Bakery, rated as the top bakery in all of Los Angeles, according to Eater LA.  We enjoyed munching on flourless pumpkin torte, gingerbread souffle, and a kale gruyere and apricot quiche.  YUM.  However, they had no highchairs there so we'll never be going back!

We walked around the hipster neighborhood and happened upon the hipster-iest hipster grocery store called the "Atwater Village Farm".  After our walk, Bry had a doctor's appointment, so Elise and I continued our explorations in nearby Silverlake.  We went to my favorite kid's consignment store, which carries many designer stuff (left empty-handed).  I could care less about fashion myself but I love designer baby clothes- eek!  We also enjoyed window-shopping along Sunset and sampling fruits at the Farmer's Market.  I wore her in the Ergo the entire 2+ hours.  I'm realizing that I MUCH prefer the Ergo over the stroller. 

We also stumbled across some free puppies!  I think Elise wanted to take one home.

After napping at home, we then hung out with our neighbor/friend Renske.  Elise loved exploring every nook and cranny of Renske's apartment.  I basically babyproofed Renske's apartment while we were hanging out-- carefully removing any fragile objects 3 feet and below.

Sleep training is going well.  The last 2 nights, Elise went down with no tears.  Yay!  I think a lot of it has to do with her age.  I can tell that she is much more mature now and knows that bedtime means sleep. 

Dear Zoo

 

Out of the many books that we read to Elise, "Dear Zoo" is definitely her favorite.  Bryant has done most of the bedtime readings over the past few 2 months, but since I am taking over sleep-training now, I have started to read to her.  In "Dear Zoo", every page has a flap that you open that uncovers a different animal.  A few nights ago, I noticed that when Elise uncovered the monkey, she started giggling.  I thought it was random and didn't think anything of it.  Tonight, when I read it to her again, she started giggling when she uncovered the monkey and she even pointed to it and kissed it!  I wondered if it was a fluke, so I tried it again, and she giggled, pointed, and kissed it again!  I put the book away to read her other books, but then she started getting restless and was looking over the chair to where I had dropped "Dear Zoo".  She started whining and then I realized that she wanted me to read it again.  So I did, and she laughed, pointed, and kissed the monkey.  So hilarious.

Speaking of sleep training, I started it again tonight.  It wasn't as bad as I expected but the crying is always excruciating.  I put Elise down in the crib and she played for 10 minutes, not realizing that I was putting her to bed.  She then gave me this look like, "time to pick me up mom" and when I didn't, she whined and then full out ugly cried. I picked her up once and then at one point, I was hugging her while she was standing, nearly in tears myself. My mind was racing the entire time, second-guessing everything. After 10 long minutes, she eventually calmed down and laid down while I shush-patted her and she almost fell asleep. Then out of nowhere, she got up, was in the best mood ever, and then hardcore played for 30 minutes. Huh???  The last 10 minutes, she didn't even look at me, was kind of in a drunken stupor, and then eventually fell asleep. Oh, and during the whole 30 minutes of playtime, she held a plastic block, and is still holding it now as she's sleeping.

Here's hoping the next few nights improve.  Our sleep consultant recommended that we work on bedtimes first, then move onto night-wakings, and then lastly naps.  Praying that all of this works with minimal tears!

Saturday Brunch

 

Today was the perfect day.  We all slept together during Elise's morning nap and then we walked to our favorite pancake place in old town.  Elise loves it when the family is playing together.  She had a permanent huge smile on her face the whole day today.  Times like this, I wish I were a stay at home mom!

She also stood for a good 2 minutes today.  She stood for the first time about two weeks ago and her times have been getting longer and longer.  She definitely has the capacity to stand longer but she psyches herself out gets nervous.  The only reason why she stood for 2 minutes today is because I gave her my phone to play with.  Once she realized that she was standing, she immediately fell to the ground.  Bryant is excited and already trying to get her to walk.  Hm, I'd give it another month or so.  :)

Our sleep journey

Here's a recap of all of our sleep-training attempts:

4 months- April: We decided to start sleep-training because Elise, mostly for her naps.  She has never been a good napper and we resorted to pushing her in a stroller for nearly every nap.  (I was glad to have an excuse to get out of the apartment, anyway.)  At this point, she was a good night-sleeper (would only wake once around 2 AM to eat), but she started to wake more due to her eczema.  Poor thing.  Anyway, we tried sleep-training for about 2 days using the Ferber method but eventually stopped because her eczema was flaring up and she would scratch until she bled.  :(  We decided to wait until her eczema healed.  A lot of experts also recommend waiting until at least 6 months to train since it is a good developmental window for actually learning how to sleep.  So we decided to wait.

7 months- July: By this time, her night-time sleep really deteriorated to the point where she also needed to be strolled to sleep (or nursed if she was already sleepy).   We used the "attended cry-it-out" method, where one parent sits next to the crib while the baby tries to fall asleep.  We preferred this over other methods because we didn't feel comfortable leaving Elise alone to cry.  The main difference is that takes a little longer than unattended cry-it-out, which we were willing to endure if it meant that Elise did not feel abandoned.  We knew it would be really hard on Elise because her temperament is really sensitive- she's never liked being alone, even to play.  Anyway, we tried training her but she cried (never hysterically) straight for 7 days with no behavioral change.  This is pretty unusual. I was getting worried because we had to leave soon for our month-long Pacific Northwest trip and I was hoping for her sleep to be established beforehand.  I had a free sleep consultation with a sleep consultant and she recommended that we wait until after our trip to train her because the trip was likely to unravel any learning.  More waiting!

8 months- August: In Seattle, we lived in a hilly area, so I wore her in the Ergo for naps instead of pushing her in the stroller (when nursing didn't work).  Miraculously, she really took to it.  This is my only regret with sleep-training...wish I had tried the Ergo sooner.

9 months- September: This time, we hired a sleep consultant because we realized that Elise is quite a persistent and attached baby and is probably not going to follow any formula from a book.  By this time, our night-time sleep routine consisted of me nursing her to sleep (or sometimes Ergo if she's extra alert) and then moving her to her crib, which was in our room.  She wakes every 2-3 hours and I have to nurse her down almost every time.  Once she wakes past midnight, we just bring her into bed with us.

Since we were co-sleeping, the consultant recommended that we break the nursing association, and have her fall asleep in bed without nursing for a few days before moving to the crib.  Bryant wanted to take the lead on training this time so I left all the decisions up to him.  Well, he decided to take things even slower and basically had Elise fall asleep next to him in bed for several weeks.   He eventually got to the point where Elise fell asleep peacefully right away-- and this would even happen in the crib!  We were amazed.  However, after a few nights of me putting her to sleep for various reasons, she totally regressed!  So Bryant went back to having her fall asleep in our bed and then transfer her to the crib.

10 months- November: We're switching things up and now I'm putting her to bed.  The first few nights, Elise was so excited that I was the one doing the routine that she got totally overstimulated and would not fall asleep.  She would giggle, shriek, and dance for at least thirty minutes.  I have seriously never seen her so ecstatic...even at Kidspace, her favorite place in the world.  I had to eventually have Bryant lie next to her and she would immediately start crying because she knew playtime was over.  It's probably the only time I've found her crying endearing.  Tonight, I moved bedtime 40 minutes, refused to nurse her, and just lay in bed next to her as she tired herself out from going crazy with excitement.  (so cute and hilarious!!!)  That was the first time she fell asleep with me without nursing!  Once she gets used to the idea that I am putting her down and will not play or nurse with her, I hope to move her to the crib.  There will be lots of tears but it is time for her to learn how to sleep.

If someone told me before that I would be co-sleeping or room-sharing with a 10-month old, I would have never believed it.  I used to think co-sleepers were kind of bizarre and assumed Elise would be sleeping in her own room within the first few months.  Well, we're just learning as we go and we actually don't mind this long process.  I think Bry loves co-sleeping more than I do!  Yes, there are moments when a sleep-trained baby would have been nice, but we actually kind of like all the extra snuggles, even when she is starfished in the middle of our bed with both of us hugging the bed's sides.

Sleep-training is a really touchy subject in the baby world and a lot of people tend to have very strong opinions about what is the right way.  After reading many sleep books, scouring too many message boards, studying sleep research, and talking to all my mommy friends, I've come to the conclusion that the style and success of sleep training really depends on the baby's temperament.  I think this applies to most of parenting in general-- there is no one-size-fits-all method for anything and a parent should really lead by their intuition since they know their child best.  Could I see myself using a stricter method of sleep-training for subsequent children?  Sure.  But with Elise, our instincts really told us to take things slowly and to enjoy the extra snuggling while it lasts.

OK, this was so long and boring...I'm mostly writing this as my own personal journal entry.  :)  In the grand scheme of things, I'm not as tired or sleep-deprived as I thought would be during this first year.  It definitely helps that I take occasional naps and that I have a flexible work schedule!