Here's a recap of all of our sleep-training attempts:
4 months- April: We decided to start sleep-training because Elise, mostly for her naps. She has never been a good napper and we resorted to pushing her in a stroller for nearly every nap. (I was glad to have an excuse to get out of the apartment, anyway.) At this point, she was a good night-sleeper (would only wake once around 2 AM to eat), but she started to wake more due to her eczema. Poor thing. Anyway, we tried sleep-training for about 2 days using the Ferber method but eventually stopped because her eczema was flaring up and she would scratch until she bled. :( We decided to wait until her eczema healed. A lot of experts also recommend waiting until at least 6 months to train since it is a good developmental window for actually learning how to sleep. So we decided to wait.
7 months- July: By this time, her night-time sleep really deteriorated to the point where she also needed to be strolled to sleep (or nursed if she was already sleepy). We used the "attended cry-it-out" method, where one parent sits next to the crib while the baby tries to fall asleep. We preferred this over other methods because we didn't feel comfortable leaving Elise alone to cry. The main difference is that takes a little longer than unattended cry-it-out, which we were willing to endure if it meant that Elise did not feel abandoned. We knew it would be really hard on Elise because her temperament is really sensitive- she's never liked being alone, even to play. Anyway, we tried training her but she cried (never hysterically) straight for 7 days with no behavioral change. This is pretty unusual. I was getting worried because we had to leave soon for our month-long Pacific Northwest trip and I was hoping for her sleep to be established beforehand. I had a free sleep consultation with a sleep consultant and she recommended that we wait until after our trip to train her because the trip was likely to unravel any learning. More waiting!
8 months- August: In Seattle, we lived in a hilly area, so I wore her in the Ergo for naps instead of pushing her in the stroller (when nursing didn't work). Miraculously, she really took to it. This is my only regret with sleep-training...wish I had tried the Ergo sooner.
9 months- September: This time, we hired a sleep consultant because we realized that Elise is quite a persistent and attached baby and is probably not going to follow any formula from a book. By this time, our night-time sleep routine consisted of me nursing her to sleep (or sometimes Ergo if she's extra alert) and then moving her to her crib, which was in our room. She wakes every 2-3 hours and I have to nurse her down almost every time. Once she wakes past midnight, we just bring her into bed with us.
Since we were co-sleeping, the consultant recommended that we break the nursing association, and have her fall asleep in bed without nursing for a few days before moving to the crib. Bryant wanted to take the lead on training this time so I left all the decisions up to him. Well, he decided to take things even slower and basically had Elise fall asleep next to him in bed for several weeks. He eventually got to the point where Elise fell asleep peacefully right away-- and this would even happen in the crib! We were amazed. However, after a few nights of me putting her to sleep for various reasons, she totally regressed! So Bryant went back to having her fall asleep in our bed and then transfer her to the crib.
10 months- November: We're switching things up and now I'm putting her to bed. The first few nights, Elise was so excited that I was the one doing the routine that she got totally overstimulated and would not fall asleep. She would giggle, shriek, and dance for at least thirty minutes. I have seriously never seen her so ecstatic...even at Kidspace, her favorite place in the world. I had to eventually have Bryant lie next to her and she would immediately start crying because she knew playtime was over. It's probably the only time I've found her crying endearing. Tonight, I moved bedtime 40 minutes, refused to nurse her, and just lay in bed next to her as she tired herself out from going crazy with excitement. (so cute and hilarious!!!) That was the first time she fell asleep with me without nursing! Once she gets used to the idea that I am putting her down and will not play or nurse with her, I hope to move her to the crib. There will be lots of tears but it is time for her to learn how to sleep.
If someone told me before that I would be co-sleeping or room-sharing with a 10-month old, I would have never believed it. I used to think co-sleepers were kind of bizarre and assumed Elise would be sleeping in her own room within the first few months. Well, we're just learning as we go and we actually don't mind this long process. I think Bry loves co-sleeping more than I do! Yes, there are moments when a sleep-trained baby would have been nice, but we actually kind of like all the extra snuggles, even when she is starfished in the middle of our bed with both of us hugging the bed's sides.
Sleep-training is a really touchy subject in the baby world and a lot of people tend to have very strong opinions about what is the right way. After reading many sleep books, scouring too many message boards, studying sleep research, and talking to all my mommy friends, I've come to the conclusion that the style and success of sleep training really depends on the baby's temperament. I think this applies to most of parenting in general-- there is no one-size-fits-all method for anything and a parent should really lead by their intuition since they know their child best. Could I see myself using a stricter method of sleep-training for subsequent children? Sure. But with Elise, our instincts really told us to take things slowly and to enjoy the extra snuggling while it lasts.
OK, this was so long and boring...I'm mostly writing this as my own personal journal entry. :) In the grand scheme of things, I'm not as tired or sleep-deprived as I thought would be during this first year. It definitely helps that I take occasional naps and that I have a flexible work schedule!
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